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KALIN HAGEDORN / Lansing, MI, USA

Friday, April 3rd 2020

Lansing, Michigan


Dear future self,


I often turn to music to process my experiences. In this case, I feel it is best to begin with song lyrics to a song I wrote yesterday. The song is called “Back Together.”


Nothing normal about this day

Stuck inside wanna get away

Go outside feel the breeze in my hair

without a care

We need You now more than ever

You can bring us back together

even when we’re apart

You are the one you are the King

You’re everything we ever need

Oh Jesus

Give us Your hope and give us faith

as we suffer

Though we don’t know how long

You’ll bring us through the end

Time and time again

It came on sudden and spread real quick

This is a virus we won’t forget

Through we’re all anxious

give us peace

Peace

We need You now more than ever

You can bring us back together

even when we’re apart

You are the one you are the King

You’re everything we ever need

Oh Jesus

Give us Your hope and give us faith

as we suffer

Though we don’t know how long

You’ll bring us through the end

Time and time again


We need You now more than ever

You can bring us back together

Back together


This song poured out of me almost effortlessly. It is now about the third week of living in a world consumed by the COVID-19 virus. It is everywhere, on the news, affecting jobs, changing schedules, taking lives, spreading and spreading. I can’t escape it. I tried to be hopeful at first, thinking that it was as bad as the flu. Perhaps I was not hopeful at all, but naïve instead. I wanted so badly for life to return to “normal.” But what is normal anymore? I have lost all sense of the word.

On March 20th, I finished my music therapy internship in Indianapolis and March 21st I drove home to Michigan with my boyfriend. He is from New York and was happy to get out of the state where the virus was rapidly spreading faster than any other state. We were expecting to stay a few days, maybe a couple weeks. We had no idea the state would mandate a stay at home, cancel schools, and keep us here for who knows how long.

I think the uncertainty of it all is the hardest part. As humans, we long for control, predictability, tangible details. The corona virus has taken all of that away from us. Now, we most solely rely on our faith and resilience. During this time, I try my best to turn to God. I offer up my worry about the present and anxiety towards the future. How will this affect getting and starting a job? Will I be able to graduate in August (a date already postponed from May 2nd)? So many questions.

However, during the past three weeks I have observed a great shift in the moral of society. People have been posting positivity and sharing inspiration like wildfire. Social media has become less cynical and more light-hearted and hopeful. I know that there is a reason the world must go through this pandemic. I don’t know what that reason is yet, but I am hopeful that we as humans can figure that out together. Maybe we will grow to truly appreciate the presents of others in our lives. Perhaps students will appreciate education in a new way. Travel may be considered a luxury and a privilege. No matter what comes of this experience, I am already aware of the blessings it has given me; more time with the love of my life, more time with family, more intentional communication with friends and a greater appreciation of my home. Future self, I hope you can look back on this experience with wisdom and gratitude.


All the best,

Kalin Hagedorn


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