Friday, April 3rd 2020
Lansing, Michigan
Dear future self,
I often turn to music to process my experiences. In this case, I feel it is best to begin with song lyrics to a song I wrote yesterday. The song is called “Back Together.”
Nothing normal about this day
Stuck inside wanna get away
Go outside feel the breeze in my hair
without a care
We need You now more than ever
You can bring us back together
even when we’re apart
You are the one you are the King
You’re everything we ever need
Oh Jesus
Give us Your hope and give us faith
as we suffer
Though we don’t know how long
You’ll bring us through the end
Time and time again
It came on sudden and spread real quick
This is a virus we won’t forget
Through we’re all anxious
give us peace
Peace
We need You now more than ever
You can bring us back together
even when we’re apart
You are the one you are the King
You’re everything we ever need
Oh Jesus
Give us Your hope and give us faith
as we suffer
Though we don’t know how long
You’ll bring us through the end
Time and time again
We need You now more than ever
You can bring us back together
Back together
This song poured out of me almost effortlessly. It is now about the third week of living in a world consumed by the COVID-19 virus. It is everywhere, on the news, affecting jobs, changing schedules, taking lives, spreading and spreading. I can’t escape it. I tried to be hopeful at first, thinking that it was as bad as the flu. Perhaps I was not hopeful at all, but naïve instead. I wanted so badly for life to return to “normal.” But what is normal anymore? I have lost all sense of the word.
On March 20th, I finished my music therapy internship in Indianapolis and March 21st I drove home to Michigan with my boyfriend. He is from New York and was happy to get out of the state where the virus was rapidly spreading faster than any other state. We were expecting to stay a few days, maybe a couple weeks. We had no idea the state would mandate a stay at home, cancel schools, and keep us here for who knows how long.
I think the uncertainty of it all is the hardest part. As humans, we long for control, predictability, tangible details. The corona virus has taken all of that away from us. Now, we most solely rely on our faith and resilience. During this time, I try my best to turn to God. I offer up my worry about the present and anxiety towards the future. How will this affect getting and starting a job? Will I be able to graduate in August (a date already postponed from May 2nd)? So many questions.
However, during the past three weeks I have observed a great shift in the moral of society. People have been posting positivity and sharing inspiration like wildfire. Social media has become less cynical and more light-hearted and hopeful. I know that there is a reason the world must go through this pandemic. I don’t know what that reason is yet, but I am hopeful that we as humans can figure that out together. Maybe we will grow to truly appreciate the presents of others in our lives. Perhaps students will appreciate education in a new way. Travel may be considered a luxury and a privilege. No matter what comes of this experience, I am already aware of the blessings it has given me; more time with the love of my life, more time with family, more intentional communication with friends and a greater appreciation of my home. Future self, I hope you can look back on this experience with wisdom and gratitude.
All the best,
Kalin Hagedorn